Slander defined
8:16pm EDST – look take this down u do not have permission to have her photos up nor to accuse me of child abuse u stupid lil man..i said i would play nice to begin with test me..really..its slander..look it up..
Slander
- words falsely spoken that damage the reputation of another
- defame: charge falsely or with malicious intent; attack the good name and reputation of someone; “The journalists have defamed me!” “The article in the paper sullied my reputation”
- aspersion: an abusive attack on a person’s character or good name
- In law, defamation (also called calumny, libel, slander, and vilification) is the communication of a statement that makes a false claim, expressly stated or implied to be factual, that may give an individual, business, product, group, government or nation a negative image.
- a false, malicious statement (spoken or published), especially one which is injurious to a person’s reputation; the making of such a statement; to utter a slanderous statement
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Since I’ve got a legal issue on my hands now, I thought I’d put all my business on the table and reference exactly what this individual is talking about.
Read about my time as a Ten day daddy.
Is it really slander? Really? I didn’t think so. There are no names. There isn’t any finger pointing. It’s more than I can say for the instigator and her MySpace blogs… naming me specifically as the father and my lack of cooperation with the pregnancy. I had asked her to remove all mentions of my name. She did not. The joke was on me! Ha! She picked the best [possible] daddy and stuck with it.
I think this whole ordeal is a bit “high school” for the social media circles. But if I can’t get my side of the story our there, then who is ever going to believe me?
Even as a young man, the thing that frustrated me most was someone not believing me. Someone seeing me for who I wasn’t. In this case, I walked into the town of Lexington, NC with a bright red “Baby’s Daddy” stamped on my forehead. And you know what? I was proud of that. I ate at the local restaurants. I went to church. I met family, friends, relatives. They all saw me as the father. I didn’t mind. Elyse was my little girl.
I’ve never wanted the white picket fence and a dog named Spot. I’ve never wanted the wife. I’ve always wanted the children. And I was proud to have Elyse. She changed me, made me aware of what I really wanted and what I was capable of as a father.
The problem lies with her mother. I spoke the truth when I said she was using the baby against me. She knew how I felt about Elyse. And even now, four months after her birth, she tries to call. For what reason? I deleted it without listening. What could that woman possibly think she has to say to me?
I am at an impasse, folks. I’d appreciate your advice in the comments. Thanks.
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Born in the year of the Dragon, the author grudgingly accepts the fact he has too many interests and not enough time. A cyclist as long as he can remember, an avid yet inconsistent writer since age eleven, and a U.S. Marine since age twenty-one, the author also adds computers, snowboarding, and motorcycles to his list of interests. Incidentally, he is aware of his inability to make a living from any but the Corps. The author accepts this as fact and remains optimistic. Feel free to drop him a line.
grow up why do you care you said you wanted to let go..then let her go you had your chance to be in her life..you said no..i never used her concerning you..my parents are contacting a lawyer..
really take it down..take her pics down..u have no right you gave that up when you walked away for selfish reasons..her dad is going to call and he will take care of it..he isnt to happy you had them up anyway..enough is enough your just keeping it up and saying what your saying cause you want to get to me..too bad..the law is on my side..you dont accuse someone of child abuse unless you have proof and it is a serious thing..you are so childish
no really take it down..im her mother..you did not have my permission to have the pics up or accuse me of such crap that is apparently false
be a man for once take it down
jus b/c your mom was abusive doesnt mean every other woman is..when you grow up you will understand that
apparently alot..i took the stuff down that i wrote about you..that shows you how much u pay attention..slander/defame..whatever..if you would have bothered to listen to the voicemail you would have been proud at how i appraoched the situation..i dont want you..i realized after you left you had to control everything or it couldnt be that is why my daughter is named elyse and not mia..go figure..i know you are a good person but really angry at the whole situation but all i asked was for you to take her pics off..the charge of abuse was uncalled for..i never said something like that of you..what do you get out of having it up..memories of what you want to leave behind that makes no sense..you wanted to leave her behind..you did..maybe i was emotional especially towards the end of the pregnancy and right after birth but you will never even try to understand my side you never did..maybe things would have been different if you would have tried..i made bad decisions and i have to deal with the aftermath..i feel that you are being a child about this..you held your head up high when you came to my town and i saw a sweet side of you which made everything so hard and why i cried alot too..i never knew how you felt about the baby until she was born..you were so detached from the whole pregnancy i was shocked when you did a 180 after she was born..Elyse was your little girl..when you found out she wasnt yours you didnt even try to stick around..that was your choice..im not a bad person..i love her so much and she helps me grow every day to be a better person..you are still welcome in her life anytime i jus wish you wouldnt have said the abuse comment..thats all
It wouldn’t be so much slander as *libel* (slander being false and defamatory statements issued via the spoken word).
And “false” is the key here: “Truth” is an absolute defense against defamation. You’re allowed to say (or write) whatever you want no matter how people feel about it, so long as it happens to be true…
well it isnt true but thanks for your opinion..thats the point silly
False is the key here. If person knows and can prove someone made false statements w/intent to discredit or harm another for the purpose of financial or personal gain, then it’s a problem. But to disclose truthful incidents, even w/a non-disclosure agreement, is a whole other issue. Folks who don’t want others to know truth will ironically take steps to remove if they can, otherwise, not much that can be done as you can’t stifle someone’s experiences. Just my two cents, but I’m sure a lawyer knows best.
Devil’s advocate here,
Bro I’ve been conspicuously quiet on this one, as I normally post a response to your messages. I think you’re hurting, and this (earmuffs) cunt of an ex-girlfriend of yours needs to pay, but it won’t help anyone, least of all Elyse. Truth is bro if you have to work things out with her than that’s what you need to do. Don’t let pride get in your way, and don’t stoop to her level by airing out dirty laundry. Everyone who knows you will vouch for your impeccable character and strength in conviction. She betrayed you, but you carried yourself with honor, and did the right thing with the information you had. Now that it is what it is you need to find a way to forgive her and move on because this is a heavy burden to carry around with you. Also, unless you are going to be in Elyse’s life, you should get rid of her pictures. Sorry to play devil’s advocate. Drop me a line anytime.
I am truly amazed. I am incapable of understanding the level of idiocy required for someone to be so dense.
By law, slander can only be an oral statement. What they are accusing you of is libel. However, libel requires two characteristics: 1) it must be false 2) it must not be state in an opinion form. First, nothing within your blog was false. and second,by definition, a blog is an opinion. Therefore, she has no cause of action for a defamation claim. I will send her my bill within the next 30 days. By her attempt to use terms she does not clearly understand only demonstrates her ignorance.
Always a Pleasure!
it seems like your out to make me out to be some monster your not nieve or a sweetheart in any way..in fact you high school bullshit is beinging proven in this..deal with it how you will and i will do the same her pics will be taken down as fas as the abuse comment go fuck yourself! you know nothing of the sort..prove it..is what i have to say to you..if you cant then screw off and keep your mouth shut
i may have one but it doesnt define who i am so please grow upyou know nothing of the situation b/w jayme and i you have one side so making judgement on your behalf is ignorant
Wow, I have bitten my lip on this for a while now but why in the world can she not move on. I had to reread your ten day daddy article 5 or 6 times until I found the “abuse” statement in the replies section. It is time to move on for her with this one, close the book period. It took two to tango yes and yes she may not have liked the way you handled things before Elyse was born but that is in the past making you delete the pictures and the article will do nothing to resolve that. What about the fact there always had to be doubt in her mind about whose child it was, she was in panic mode try to get you to be the “DAD”. And in my “opinion” parents who use a child to wage war when things go bad in a marriage or relationship should have there asses kicked it is a form of abuse not matter what you like to think it is or what word you use for it. It is time realize that sometimes you have to take your lumps and move on with life. Before it starts to affects the one truly innocent person in this whole ordeal, Elyse….
One more thing she may need to be reminded of is that harassment is easier to prove than slander. She has no right to keep doing what she is doing to you or did to you. If your way of dealing with it was to write that article and keep it that is your business plain and simple.
Jayme keep your chin up, forgive her even if you never say to any one other than a Corona bottle!
Jayme,sounds like she’s pissed off at herself for f***n you around and losing you.Believe me,when a woman realizes that she just shit where she ate,it’s going to get worse before it gets any better.The fact that you stepped up and took that child as your own,you proved(without needing to I’m sure)that you are one hell of a guy!There are plenty of men who won’t even claim their own child and here this woman is,lucky enough to have you,just not smart enough to know it!You are so much better off without her it sounds like.You owe her nothing,not even the courtesy of answering the phone.Hang in there!
To: Dale
he said i used her as a leverage tool & that was abuse..how? That is saying I abuse my child. I didnt get anything from it? I didnt try! I gave him the DNA test that he wanted from day one.Jayme isnt a bad person and i know he is angry but still he needs to move on..ive let him bash me on this stupid website for too long..that is childish..he needs to grow up..her dad told me last night that although he does have the right to say what he wants he was out of line but that he was just trying to get people to feel sorry for him..which worked..that he was trying to control my feelings..jayme has always knew how to push my buttons and then he would laugh at me..so in response to the “Ten Day Daddy” article and this humours high school crap..JAYME YOU WIN!!! If it makes you feel better to put someone else down and that is how you get thru the day then so be it.. my friends know how I am with my daughter and how I was with you and how you treated me..good and bad..after you left I realized you were such a control freak I was willing to do whatever to make you happy at my expense..do I miss you..Yes! Do I wish things could of turned out differently..Yes! They didnt! I offered you to be in her life and you wont so although I dont get why you want to relive the pain thru a story..so be it! Although I know you wont you can call me or contact me anytime if you want to talk..I wont hold my breath. LOL! I hope you can let go of this one day and move on..you have always had a good head on your shoulders. Take care!
“Not the baby mama”… No one has to make you look ignorant. You do that just fine yourself. I am not writing this to defend Jayme I am writing this to let you know about yourself. You are the type of woman that gives women a bad name. I work in the medical community and think you are full of crap when you say that they could not figure out when you conceived. And if for some reason they gave you a window it was a small one and you would have known that there was a chance that it could be someone else’s child. I think that you should be ashamed of yourself and I hope that is what you tell your child when she asks one day. Although I know that you wont… you will do exactly what you did here and probably what you do in every other failure in your life… blame it on someone else. Before anyone has a heart attack, I do not think the child is a failure but I do think that a women who would try to trick someone into being the father of their baby is a failure as a women. You should have stood up to your mistake (having sex with another man while you were in a relationship) at the time and you never know things may have turned out differently… the truth can be an amazing thing…. Lies only seem to complicate them as I am sure that you know now.
I can see that you would like to pull the sympathy card to get some people on your side. Your words “I am doing a damn good job at it.. im doing it alone with very limited help and almost no money…” You chose to have sex with two people at the same time and apparently one of them was a really bad choice. At least Jayme was going to be there for the kid wither he loved you or NOT (which may be the reason he did not want to touch you). Maybe if you had made better life choices you would not be doing it alone with no money… which is what I figure you saw in him and that is why you named him. I can’t say anything about the other guy as I don’t know his story but you sure don’t make him out to be a stellar guy. (those are your word not mine) I can say that you are a poor excuse for a strong woman at this point in time though. I hope that you can grow up yourself and stop blaming everyone for your mistakes, take some responsibility and truly raise your daughter to be a strong, honest and independent women. Help her learn from your mistakes.
Oh yeah and one more thing… you should probably re read the post “ten day daddy” he did not say that it was child abuse… someone else posted it and he agreed with their opinion. FYI emotional abuse is abuse wither it is on an adult or a child. If you continue down the path you are headed then you may make the comment very true since children are every intuitive and can sense when something is wrong. And as for the pics up on his site… they are his, no doubt taken with his camera (as he likes to do) of his child (or at least so you lead him to believe). Look there are even parts of his body (his hand) in the pics because even in your eyes he had the right to be there and take them. He is not a bad person for not remaining in the child’s life when the mother is a manipulative and dishonest as you. Had you been up front and honest you never know what the outcome may have been but you messed up so suck it up and get on with your life and focus on the child, learn from your mistakes and stop being a poor excuse for a woman so that you don’t have to worry about your daughter making the same mistakes.
I’m going to have to agree with Klimas on this one. I’d take the pics down, because you won’t need them to remind you of this heart-wrenching turn of events. Every time you hear her or the baby’s name, you’ll be reminded. One day someone will come along who is worthy of you, accepts you for all your strengths and foibles, and won’t feel the need to manipulate you out of hurt and anger. And she will be one very lucky woman.
You’ve got a very good head on your shoulders, my dear friend. Given time, you’ll eventually find a way to forgive and heal the hurt this has caused you. Lots of love!!
Anyone here like Killswitch Engage? Fitting vids?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3356990941246481359
WWJD?
Hi Jayme,
My name is Elizabeth and I don’t know you, nor do you know me…and maybe I shouldn’t even have an opinion on all this but since you posted it for the world to read…well I read it. I think that you are in the wrong for posting any of this. I think that if you honestly cared about this little girl at all, you would keep your business, your business. Let go of it all…it wasn’t even that great of a post to read. I truly feel that karma is a bitch and maybe you should look at what got you in this situation in the first place. Perhaps you will think twice before you just go and have sex with a random girl. Since you claim that you go to church…maybe you should stop and reflect on your life and the decisions you made to have sex with a girl you obviously weren’t in a relationship with in the first place. No trust or love, yet the one who has to pay is this little innocent girl. Stop punishing her, leave her and her mother alone. Maybe you should look at the way you have treated others in your life…I think you might have had this coming to you and now you are trying to get everyone to feel sorry for you. It seems pathetic to be posting any of this and it’s a desperate cry for attention. You are obviously in the wrong seeking redemption but perhaps you should try to receive it from God first. Sounds to me like you don’t treat females with very much respect…sad. How many of the women you have slept with could have potentially had your child? Yet you are blaming her for not knowing who the father is…when you could be the father to so many others that you might not even know about?? Take responsibility for your actions. This is all very sad and you need to let it go and post something more interesting. Thanks.
At the very least this post has generated some true opinions. Glad to see you have your sense of humor always can come thru. And as far as I can tell we are all a little crazy so don’t feel alone.
It looks like you need a big hug!! What a crazy lady man !!
WOW! I didn’t think it got this crazy for you man!
Whatever you decide, leaving the posts up or taking them down, taking the pictures down but leaving the post, etc., the sentiment you expressed in the original post is not anyone’s business to condemn. You were expressing YOUR feelings on YOUR frickin’ blog about a loss in YOUR life. Anyone who criticizes how you feel is being critical of something they have no right to be critical of: your experience and feelings.
As for Baby Mama, I have to agree with Nikki…she is, based on what she’s writing here and what appears to have happened, giving the rest of us women a bad name. The thing is, I’ve lived in my fair share of small towns around military bases and she’s not really all that unusual. I have no clue where you met her. You may not have met her in a military town. All I know is this story is played out over and over again. I’ve seen it a lot. And frankly, it’s gross although not unusual. Girls who do that (whether it be trying to trap a Marine because of pregnancy or who cheat and then don’t know who the fuck the father is) are a dime a dozen. Which leads me to say to the guys…be careful. Maybe look a little harder and longer before unzipping. I’m just sayin’…
Secondly, the line about the doctors not knowing her due date is silly. A matter of a couple of weeks? I can understand. TWO months? Please. That’s probably the single most discrediting statement I’ve read from Baby Mama. The other big problem I have is that if she was gracious and above the so called “high-school” drama that Jayme is supposedly engaging in, she’d completely ignore him, this website and anything to do with him. There comes a time in our lives when we look at a situation and SHOULD chose to step away regardless of what is being said and chose to say no more. Why? Because WE end up looking the fool when we engage. If you bow out Baby Mama, keep quiet while he gets over the loss and is able to move forward, then no one has any “drama” and you go on with being a good mom with no money and he can go on with his life.
Earlier someone made condemning statements about Jayme sleeping with women and talking about going to church and blahblahblah. As a Christian, I always cringe when people write stuff like that. The first person to condemn another’s actions needs to prove that they are without sin. The above commenter should read her Bible and realize that it also says that the words of the one in pain belong to the wind (Do you intend to reprove my words, When the words of one in despair belong to the wind? Job 6:26) In other words, Job was just telling his friends who were being hyper critical about everything he said after he lost EVERYTHING (family, wealth, etc) to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. Maybe the two situations are not exactly comparable. But it brings me back to my very first point…this is Jayme’s blog. And he was writing about things on his mind and things he was feeling. Not a soul has any right to condemn that.
Jayme,
I think you need to do what you want to do, feel what you want to feel, and deal with this problem in whichever way you feel like dealing with it. This is YOUR life, YOUR delicate and serious situation, one that has obviously left you thinking about so many of life’s mysteries.
It was a huge loss, and as such, you need to mourn. You need to go through all the stages of mourning… And nobody mourns the same way. I honestly don’t think you have gone through every single one of these steps.
That the bickering and the arguing need to stop, that I completely agree with. And not just for Elyse’s sake. You can’t go on obsessing over this. It will ultimately affect you to the point that it will render you useless.
All the emotional help and all the advice you have received from friends and well-wishers is wonderful, but this decision is yours to make, because ultimately you will have to live with the consequences.
Please know that in the end, your real friends will always be by and on your side. Whatever you decide to do.
Hang in there, dear friend, and know no matter what your GPS says, I am always an hour away
Alicia
I have to say it is some of the most interesting discussions generated on here in a long time. It is good to see you still have your sense of humor, even though I distinctly remember seeing a goat head in your bedroom on occassion or maybe it was a whole sheep, no wait that was Dale. It’s great being able to bash Dale through a third party host.
So here goes my two-cents worth. I say leave the pics and posts up or take them down it doesn’t matter a damn bit because you know in your heart of hearts how you truly felt and your true friends will be there for you no matter what. I know that when you committ to something you do it 110% and that you truly loved that little girl and it sucks to have that ripped away from you. As for the “not babys mama” saying it was your choice to walk away WTF why would you stay, so she could screw you over some more and have her take that precious little girl away from you when you no longer served her purpose it is her loss not yours. No matter what you say or do will change how she feels and I don’t have the time or energy to really go into detail about I feel about her and other users like her. So keep your chin up and know we will always support you. By the way I asked Lynette about the due date thing and she said she’s full of shit (her words not mine since you know I fucking hate swearing).
If you didn’t hear we added another one to our team on May 12th (a 6lb 7oz boy). I will send you some pics soon and hopefully we can get together when you get back here this fall.
Hi Dale and AJ. Long Time. Congrats on your additions.
Hi Jayme! Its Angie! (not babys mama friend) I have read and read these posts and wanted to stay silent in all this craziness. Wow! What a discussion, right! Yet I find myself being a culprit of it and falling into it as well now. Well I do beleive this is a very private, personal matter. As mentioned by several above the only person who will suffer in the end is this beautiful, sweet, innocent child! I think maybe you get a little rush or stimulated from it? lol! But thats what Marines do, right? Its a macho, EGO thing I think. lol! I only say that b/c I grew up a military brat! My dad was in the marines then in the Army (you know this…i told you so). So I know what its like to live with someone who is very strict and has to be RIGHT….
I certainly am not on here to bash ANYONE. But I do feel that this situtaion should be kept between you and the “not the babys mama”. I know you like the feedback and discussion/opinions from everyone…But do you realize how many people out there can really read this? Its astounding! I don’t want anyone to get one-sided opinions of either of you. That isn’t fair to either of you only because ultimately no one knows or hears what happens behind close doors. They only make assumptions on what they hear. I am not and WILL not do that. I will only go on what I saw/heard and witnessed first hand.
First you! I was there with you when this beautiful child came into this world. We were both crying…(admit it marine…you cried..lol!) I’ve never witnessed a birth from the other side (not delivering…) before myself and it was amazing…I saw your face and how worried, proud, scared, and just overwhelmed you were. It was definitely a MOMENT. Jayme you didn’t LET GO of her or let her out of your site the whole time. You were amazing. Don’t ever think that you came to Lexington for no reason. There is a reason for everything that happens to us in our life. I know you are not a “religious” person persay, but God knows and has a plan for us all and you were put here in Lexington on 1-19-09 for a reason and one day that reason will raise its head and we will all know. Outside of the time I spent around you…I don’t know how you are besides being a Marine…(which is a good thing, please don’t take that wrong) Great discipline…We all need some of that…me included!! lol
Anyway, my perceptions of you (as the ten day daddy) were phenomenal. You were just like a new dad should be…hey maybe a little better, but b/c of DNA you let all that go. Yes I know (god forbid) that it is sooooo hard to imagine and stomach that you feel like you have been lied to…(been there myself), but in a previous post I did when you first put up the ten day daddy post..I mentioned that I myself am adopted and could not imagine my life any other way. My parents are wonderful! My point is…and others have mentioned it as well…It takes more to be a daddy than just giving sperm. I am certainly not taking anything away from the man that is her father. I don’t really know him like I knew you. (in the short time you were here…) But Jayme I think you are better than this. I appreciate how you want to culminate or ponder this situation..And greive as well…..but is it really worth all this?
Now, for the mother. Yes we are friends and I love her dearly…Do we all always make the right decisions? No…no one is perfect or lives in a glass house. And if they do…I’d like to meet them..lol! The mother has admitted where she went wrong and has apologized profusely. Do I totally agree with how the situation all went down and how it came out? Of course I’m not, but I can speak for her when I say she honestly thought you were the father. She has no reason to lie to me about the situation and on numerous occasions she expressed how she just knew you were the father and how she thought you would be a good dad. When you began talking DNA test she was worried b/c of the due dates changing her and there she became unsure and I voiced my opinion to her and told her she needed to talk to you about it before the test, but us women…well as my dad has always said….Men are more statistical minded and women are more emotional minded and we don’t always think clearly as we should especially during emotional moments. But in her defense I really beleive that she thought you were the father and thats why she didn’t pursue the other person during her pregnancy (not b/c she thought you would be the “best” fit to be so.) Would she use Elyse against you? No I don’t beleive so and I don’t see how she did to begin with. She wanted you to be in Elyse’s life whether you and her had a relationship or not. And I honestly beleive to this day that if you chose to be she would feel the same way.
And as spoken above in posts one day Elyse will want to know who that “mystery” man is in those pics with her. I have some of those as well….And mom will have to explain the situation, but I don’t think she will bash you for it…Will Elyse want to find you? Maybe so and what will you say to her? I wanted so bad to be your father and was for 10 days and I loved you unconditionally for 10 days, but I found out our blood type wasn’t a match so I decided to walk away…..Jayme, you are a great and very smart man (I might say), but is this very smart? Posting someones most personal, painful situations for everyone to put their “2 cents” in that don’t have all the facts as they are. It really truly isn’t fair ya know! And I see you took her pics down. My personal opinion I don’t think the pics mattered a bit…And mom didn’t have any issues with them either (obviously b/c the daddy post has been up a while) until the “abuse” word came into play….And the only thing I have to say about that is…….Abuse is a harsh word especially if you say child in the same sentence (and its your child being talked about) I would be the same way as would you I’m sure.
As for everyone voicing their opinions on the situation..Everyone is intitled to their own opinions, but why out of such ill reprute?.. I have voiced my opinion to an extent, but its certainly not one sided and I think its very unwarranted and just plain immoral that everyone slam and bash the mother and don’t even know her. I think its just best that we let Jayme and the mother handle the situation in a way that they think is in the best interest of Elyse….Agree?
Thanks for listening to my plight on this whole fiasco…..
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO Angie
Jayme please don’t think you have to “defend” anything to me. And I know you never wrote anything about “abuse” anywhere else. You were simply responding to another post I understand that. Yet its there…and I believe it would make anyone in there right mind go on the defensive…Wouldn’t it you? Whether it was taken out of context or not. Its just a word that can be taken and distorted so many different ways….
As for the “using a child as leverage”….well even as small children we learn to lie and deceive to get what we want. Its just human nature. I am sorry about what happened with your mother, but it doesn’t always mean every woman is like that. My ex thought I would be that way with our son as well…It has NEVER happened. I’m just not that type of person.
to julia:
even my latest due date was jan 23rd..that still doesnt put her real dad in the window..so hash that one for yourself..
now..im not a genious so i dont use terms in the correct way and im not out to make someone feel stupid b/c they dont have the money to go to a college and get smarter..
as far as jayme..i know he truely wants to be in her life..im smart enough to know he will hold anger in his heart forever..so although the invitation is always on the table for him to be in her life..i know he wont..
i have a big heart and forgiveness..jayme im not sure what he has..
i do still care for him and feel extremely bad for the way things went down and i have apologized profusely to him and will not do it anymore..i know him and i can not be together..yet again his harboring anger and lack of forgiveness issue..lol..im not that delusional..he taught me alot and i thank him for that but he has a lot og growing to do
by the way she has plenty of people to love her including her real dad..him and i have made amends and are working great together as parents..so i do not need jayme to love her but i know he does..
Wow,
This whole situation is a crap shoot. Everyone will have opinions on how to fix this but trying to be a dual father in her life at this time will not work. I remember when my son was born. It was the most emotional, mindblowing and breathtaking experience I have ever known. I too didn’t want to let him go. I was constantly trying to be around, help even when I couldn’t feed him (parts not included)
The point is that Jayme was part of this mind blowing experience, something completely different then what he has experienced in the middle east. This will take months, if not years to get over due to the raw emotional connection he developed.
Semper Fi Marine
Remember the good ol days when First Sergeant yelled… “Kohler…”
“Yes First Sergeant…”
“Is Werner out there?”
wow.
in all of this….what about the child?
the whole thing sickens me.
…bang away, everybody…bang away.
I know I’m a little late to jump on the bandwagon here, but going to anyway. I personally spoke to Baby’s Momma during the entire pregnancy, AND Baby’s “selected” Daddy. Most of you that are responding are forming an opinion from the blogs rather than hearing the info first hand. Baby’s “selected” Daddy is a good man with a great heart, a very grown up man. Baby’s Momma was looking for someone to take care of her, not so grown up….
Understood. But you’re talking about the same woman who wouldn’t take the Omega 3 fatty acid pills of her prenatal vitamin packs because she “didn’t want to get fat.” We could play on verbiage all day. The one thing the post details is my emotions. Is that not true?
Truth or fallacy aside, do you feel there’s any financial or personal gain here? (Aside from not paying child support for 18 years for a baby who isn’t mine.)
The truth is often embarrassing, shameful. But sometimes you gotta own up…
I understand.
That single post is the only place her pictures reside. I deleted them off my phone and my computer. But I think it’s important to document, to remember what happened, as a lesson of sorts. Truth be told, I was doing just fine (with occasional bits of nostalgia and longing) until her call today. That, in addition to her flood of emails, has provoked me to respond.
I, too, have been quiet. Admirably so. And I don’t have to work out a fucking thing with her. I don’t want anything to do with that woman. Ever. Elyse, unfortunately, was collateral damage in her little game of “find the perfect daddy.”
Good insight though. Just because I’m getting fired up doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your input. Yut!
Very well! I knew someone so closely tied to the mafia would have something to say. Tell Vinnie and Lou Hey for me. I’ll take the stand in exchange for a couple of thugs and a lead pipe.
For as long as you live, I’m sure you will never need a picture to remind you of this episode.
A-M-E-N. We talked about dodging bullets with this one. I can see I’m starting to chase the damn thing!
1st of all the docs had the wrong due date thank you so ask before you judge..they kept changing it my last 2 months..they kept puttin me concievein in april..i wasnt a whore there were only 2 choices and no i didnt know that there wasnt a chance until they started going back and forth..the point is the mom bashin has gone on long enough..i dont use my child as leverage ask her real dad..so i dont abuse her..what jayme is talking about is that i was emotional before I had her inmy last couple months..i was scared of being a mom..there were things i asked him if he was going to do there were times i got upset cause i wanted to talk and he brushed me to the side like i was just an incubator for his child..thats how i felt he never once touched my belly or talked to the child or did we rarely discuss how to raise her..it was always whatever jayme wanted..to hell with the rest..well sorry she had another parent..me her mother and I am doing a damn good job at it..im doing it alone with very limited help and almost no money..so while evryone is entitled to an opinion you have no right to speak of situations you are unfamiliar about and arent involved in..this is jayme’s way of making me look ignorant and bad..your right its going to affect elyse b/c he is in pics and ill have to tell her about him one day she may have questions and im sure she will find him and ask he probably hasnt even thought of that yet..lol..ive only responded to what has been said about me and been literally provoked to say other things so go ahead with the harassment aspect darling!
First I am sure there are things I don’t know about this story, Second I never refered to you in any name calling manner, or said anything about your parenting skills. No one has said anywhere that I can see that you are a bad mother. That is not the issue I have replied too. I thru all this have tried to see both sides. I made general statements to bring up the fact that a child can be used as leverage without even knowing it, and this should never be done. I do know there is a lot of anger, resentment, and hurt on both sides. Both need to just move on, yes someday you may need to explain to Elyse what happened but that may have to be done with or without the pictures. I will also add the same advice I gave him find some way to forgive and move on.
Ah, I love a good debate. Don’t worry. You haven’t been blacklisted on the site. I wouldn’t do that to you since I’ll be home this fall and want a ride on the pontoon.
“talking about the same woman who wouldn’t take the Omega 3 fatty acid pills of her prenatal vitamin packs because she “didn’t want to get fat.”” – HAHA
Sorry about all this too. I hate drama.
I don’t think Jayme has the right to publish photos of your daughter. Your daughter is a minor. Jayme is not the father, therefore he has no right to publish the photos. I would ask your lawyer about that.
I can understand you opinion based on the limited information I’ve shared. I’m beginning to see that if I “really” cared I wouldn’t post any of this. So one of two things has happened: Either I didn’t genuinely care in the first place, or the experience has affected me in such a way that I needed to put it out there, for others to read/evaluate/comment on, to convince myself that I was completely shit-house crazy. Either way, I’ve got a lot of constructive feedback on both posts. Using that feedback, I’m formulating my course of action. I’m actually leaning towards removing both post since my analysis is almost completed.
A few comments to your, um, comments:
1. How is it that I’m NOT leaving the baby and her mother alone? Did I force this webpage through internet lines and splash it across her computer screen? Have I tied her hands and taped her eyelids open to witness the production of slanderous comment after comment? Somewhere, in the darkest corner of Internet Land, is child porn and asian bukkake and farm animal sex. I simply choose to ignore it by not going there.
2. The last time I went to church was November 1997. Then one day I myself at religious services was with her and the baby in January 2009, surrounded by an oh-so-proud congregation of the newest baby of a local girl. Despite being born and raised Catholic, I am as UNreligious as a guy can get without sleeping with a goat skull in his bed.
3. The woman and I were together four months when I found out she was pregnant. Add that to pregnancy time and our relationship was just short of a year. There are European countries with less time. I ask you clarify your definition of “random girl” (which at this point sounds like just the thing I need).
4. Statistically speaking, over 90 percent of the women I’ve slept with could have potentially had my child (the infertility rate in woman from 18-40 is surprisingly low). There’s one woman for sure who DIDN’T have my child. HA! And since I’ve had this website damn near as long as I’ve been having sex (it’s a sad relationship, I know), chances are pretty damn good more babies’ mommas would have found me by now. Do a quick Google search of your own name. Hell, YOU probably have kids you don’t know about too!
Finally, I agree with you 100 percent that this post was not that interesting to read. It lacked style and direction. It’s sole purpose was to generate ideas from the reader, a mission accomplished. I try to include all the elements of good writing whenever I can, but alas, I let my emotions dictate the structure and it came off convoluted and misunderstood. My apologies.
What kind of posts would you find more interesting? I’m open to suggestions. (Between you and me, I’ve got a few great drafts about FireFox and WordPress plugins I use as well as a Internet Browser guide for the common man. Come to think of it, those ideas suck too. Maybe I’ll just go with a zombie love story in Manhattan…)
Is the REAL issue here the pictures or the posts?
THE POSTS are the issue!!If there wasn’t any truth to what you are saying,would it really matter to her?
thank you for your support..and the photos arent the big issue or the post..it the fact that by agreeing with some stupid person about the abuse comment he said i saw her doing it..which is so not true..if men coulld only have hormones and go thru the surges when and if the good get pregnant..they would be more supportive..i didnt really feel i was hormonal until the last trimester and i was probably emotional and i know i felt like crap about myself cause he stop touchin me when i got my belly which wasnt until 6 monthes but oh well it is what it was and i went by what the docs said he knows what they said..i didnt always handle things the right way and i feel he didnt either..but you live and learn and move on and if it is meant to be it will happen
I’m actually having somewhat of an identity crisis right now. I’m a bastard. I’m not. I’m a womanizer. I’m not. To some I’m a horrible individual. To some I’m not. *Sigh* Ya win some, ya lose some!
please stop trying to get in his pants with all the flattery..you havent a clue stop while you are ahead
Well put. I couldn’t be more precise.
1st of all jayme and i werent in a serious relationship..why didnt he wear a condom? ask him that you ignorant women..you no nothing of this situation and to pass judgement on me says that you are dumb..do you want my ob’s number? you can discuss it with him my 1st due date was jan 23 then jan 17th then dec 16th then the 25th then jan 7th then the 15th then she was born on the 19th..so go screw yourself on that one..there was 4 weeks of no sex jus in case you want to know the details b/w jayme and her real dad..so go screw yourself on that one..i am not ashmaed of anything in this situation..jayme knew about the due dates being switched..i was on birth control which apparently failed..ive failed at nothing in my life..things may not have went the way i planned but i believe that god has a bigger plan for us and we are along for the ride and learn from each situation..i dont blame anyone for my mistakes they are my own..i learn from each one..i am accomplished in life and im going back to school to futher my education and i have a great job..apparently you arent to smart of a woman to know that doctors can make mistakes..her size was baffeling them she was full term on dec 3rd and as i have said before you can ask jayme all this b/c i always told him everything the doc said..
my opinion on you right now is that you are ignorant b/c you are judging me with no knowledge of the situation..it sounds like you have feelings for jayme and more than likely want in his pants or you are already there..who knows he wa with more than one person when we were together..he is pretty good at sex..enjoy! he will never commit no matter how hard you try so stop trying to act like his champion b/c he is a great man but like someone has said before he has twisted views..he has a right to his opinion but has no right to say i abuse her emotinally..he isnt around and agreeing with someone is the same as saying it so who is ignornat now..lady??
I think she’s talking about my wife in Chicago. Seriously.
And how did this turn into flattery?
Finally!Someone else thinks she gives women a bad name!!!
I might have said it before somewhere in the comments… but this is just about the pictures? The comments (aside from direct attacks/support at/of my character) have ranged from “do what you want” to “take them down”. I understand that saying to take them down. especially from friends, is support based on caring. Understood.
DONE.
I had to write my rebuttals before my inevitable suicide.
(You got the pontoon out yet??)
Obviously it’s not just about the pictures. Lord knows what goes on in the minds of women, especially when our brains are marinating in a very potent cocktail of hormones. It sounds like she’s irrational right now (hormones do that) because she can’t see that there is absolutely nothing in your Ten Day Daddy post that is even remotely slanderous, libelous, or otherwise intentionally malicious. And yes, we, your true and loving friends, are providing you feedback based on our relationship with you and what you mean to us. That’s what we do!
Hey,to the ones that think you’re a bastard,do they matter enough for you to give a shit?Even if you are a bastard,not,be the best one you can be!!lol..Seriously though,she’s just pissed…I fought with ex for over 15 years.Nothing they can say will change what’s in your heart for anyone.You have to know that!Besides,a definition of bastard is (in my opinion)someone who beats the hell out of his wife,for forgetting to turn the light off!!I don’t know you,but I DO NOT think you are one!Keep your head up and remember who you are…Not just a man,but a MARINE!
Where were you when this all went down? I don’t need a hug, but if you’ve got a crowbar around I’d like to borrow it.
Cycle ends in August, but I hear we’ll only have a week in between. Not sure if I’ll make it home this time (once again). Crap-o-la.
I knew you would find a way to say something without writing it. Very fitting indeed!
And by the way, Jesus would send a plague.
Soon very soon, it is on the street waiting for me to get a day off!
Interesting blog. Sad to hear of two people hurting like this. On a lighter note. We’d have that thing in the water right now if Ray hadn’t stole the trailer yesterday just as we got the motor ready to go. He’s holding it for randsom til Tuesday over the nice long weekend. Ugh!
It doesn’t. At least in Iraq I can shoot back and kill something.
do i need to state what you continously told me we werent in a relationship..you didnt want one you wanted to grow old alone and die alone..those were your words..so to say we had a relationship for a little over a year wasnt what you were telling me..i wasnt after your money or the military benefits..i loved you..but now i am confused at why..i didnt cheat on you or sleep with random men..you know the truth about what happened you remember in the car taking her to the dna test me crying your hand on my leg telling me everything will be alright that she was yours..the love you have expressed for her I have never seen you express for anything in the time i have known you..someone was right i had hormones and probably didnt articulate myself correctly at times throughout our time and the pregnancy..i am a very emotional person and when i get emotinal especially about elyse i have a hard time thinking before speaking it is human..i meant it when i said you are always welcome in her life all you have to do is call or hit me up on myspace..i will bring her down to see you no strings attached..that is your choice…honestly she has taught me more about myself everyday you would be proud..she is my weakness she is my life..everything i do is for her..could i use your advice on things yes do i miss you making me overcome my fears lol yes..you taught me alot..your right if you would have jus not agreed that i was emotionally abusing my daughter i wouldnt of had a problem and i am afraid when i tell her the truth about what happened she will google you and see all this and god only knows what would happen..right now i am focused on trying to better myself to give her a better life..i believe you would be proud..remember you saying you were an emotionless void..that is so false i think you have alot of emotions..she is so big now 15lbs 25 in and more beautiful every day..she laughes and smiles and gets mad which is funny..she is holding her head up and trying to eat everything in site and drooling..i truely believe you were there for a reason and always will be in some way..you stated we were together for 4 monthes before i got prego..we were like jackrabbits darlin have you ever been checked out to make sure you can have kids..maybe that is why she was brought in your life..it jus an observation..it wasnt for lack of trying..i still get emotional when it comes to anyone attacking my mothering ability or her..sorry..its a parenting thing and im sure you felt that way when you thought she was yours..sit back think things over id hope you would forgive me and release your anger and want to be in her life even if it is as uncle jayme or something of that sort..i still hold out hope..you are a smart man and i think alot of this is out of anger and hurt which you are entitled to i jus felt i needed to stand up for myself these people have no clue of the complete situation only you and i do..i hope to hea from you someday..
no im not you goof! im stating we werent in a relationship so i havent a clue if you were or werent with anyone..maybe i didnt state it clearly..
thank you i see your changes..the funny part is the pic you put up kind of looks like her..lol..its funny and no im not saying take it down..you need to come whoop my nephews butt..he is acting out so much but not towards elyse..you should see elyse’s personality i posted new pics of her up on my myspace check them out..even of her in her easter dress..you will love that one
She might be. I don’t think that your wife is going to like her talking to like that. How are the kids? I know you don’t get up there much.
You know what I debated actually writing back to your post but I finally decided that you deserved to know a few things. There is no way that you did not know that there was another possibility. There are just over four weeks between the earliest and latest due dates that you listed. Unless you are a complete moron you had to have known that there was at least a POSSIBLITY it was not his. All you would have had to do it tell him. Doing the math in your head is not the same as saying a doctor said it. I could ask Jayme about what you told him but isn’t that the point… you told him. You could have told him that the baby was a boy and he would have had to believe that till it came out.
By the way… you make yourself look even more ignorant with the condom argument since you allowed him to do it. You have every right to make him wear one or not give it up. Also I am the one that said it was emotional abuse not him… I just wanted to clear that up. I don’t want you to look stupid when you try to claim that in your legal case and he prints out the blog to show them that he did not write it. And last but not least I am not trying to make him commit or get in his pants and I am defiantly not trying to trap him with a child!! (not to name any names)
P.S. I guess you were not expecting him to request a blood test huh?? I wonder how long you would have kept it up then. Soon enough the blood types would have come into play huh??
haha! it was 5 weeks silly! You think you know so much..you havent a clue little one..i was protected i thought with my birth control..now we all know it can fail apparently..i was willing to take responsibilty do you even have a clue what happened with her dad no you dont..so please stop judging me like i choose to have sex with other men believe me jayme was good at what he did..by your passion i feel you probably know this..lol..which is funny that your even blogging..you apparently cant read he agreed with another blogger about abuse and said he saw me doing it or something of the sort..he has issues from his past and needs to deal with them b/c never was there a moment that i could emotionally or physically or anything else of the sort abuse my daughter and jayme knows that so when you think about responding again dont unless you know all the facts
by the way ask jayme about what happened with her real dad..no really cause im not going to post it..its too personal..then when you choke on your rants and understand why i wanted jayme to be the dad so badly you may write something more appropriate..
I don’t think that I know “so much” but I do know a little bit of medicine since it has been my profession for the past 8 or 9 yrs. And I am pretty sure that I can read as I have read all of your ignorant post and been about to respond to them with the greatest of ease. I want to share a little bit of my medical knowledge with you so that you can’t say that you didn’t know or say you thought that you were protected to anyone else. If you miss more that one pill in a given period you should use a back up method of birth control to prevent pregnancy through the rest of that cycle. Also if you take antibiotics during a cycle you should use a back up method of birth control because they can make them less affective. Also if it was a 5 week span… did you not notice a missed period?? Oh that is right maybe you are one of those that did not miss one. Do you need for me to give any more excuses?? I wish that you would not make it so easy to point out the rifts in your stories (they do seem to change). You need to be careful what you ask for… you have not idea what I know about you. I could know nothing or I could know everything about the situation. I have my opinion and if you believe it is one sided than so be it. Say what you will about me… My mother raised me to be a strong, independent and trust worthy Woman and turned out to be just that. This will be my last post about this subject so you can respond or not I really don’t care. After this no matter what you say I will not be baited to write you again… I have wasted to much time as is. When it comes down to it you will not make any affect on my life. I can only hope that for your daughters sake you can reach down into the depths and find a way to raise your daughter to be a strong, independent and trust worthy woman. Good luck with everything and I hope that everything works out for you.
please..ask who you want jayme knows exactly what the doc said and when..i would never rip my child away from someone who had been there since day one..you dont know me or what jayme and i went thru so screw off until you do you are hearing bits and pieces and not the whole thing jayme knows the complications i had and things..for someone who wanted honesty he sure isnt telling people the whole truth..he probably gets kicks out of them assuming they know..
First,it sounds like you’re pissed off because you’re not in his pants anymore.Who’s choice was that?You need to grow up and be a woman,a”wife”and remember that you are a mother!!Set an example for your daughter–A GOOD example,and stop with the petty B.S..If wishes were fishes…if you really wished it could’ve been different,maybe you should’ve tried harder..I don’t need in his pants,although why does it matter to you???If you’re so sick of what he says,stop reading it!
My identity is public, as is my story. Her identity is protected.
I have written less than 800 words between both posts. She has exceeded that by far in her comments, which only prove to discredit her further with every paragraph. ‘Ten Day Daddy’ was based solely on my emotional response to a shitty situation. ‘Slander defined’ was based on a threat of legal action and my request for advice.
The original comment
I challenge you to find the word ‘abuse’ anywhere else in my posts. Not babys mama references it ten separate times in her comments. Yet no one ever pointed a single finger.
Open discussion is a wonderful thing. It emphasizes how important it is to choose ones words around strangers. Because hasty words will reveal true character.
Hi i think i can manage to get one of those for ya!! Get a hold of me when you come to Bismarck sweety k!!
you know i love you to pieces for all your support and he is right that maybe i need to choose my words more carefully but he also stated in the comment “..i saw the same exact thing happening when elyse was born..” his words..i took that as saying i was abusing my child..how else would i interpert that statement..discussin is good on general issues but this is personal and you know why..you know i cant completely come out and defend myself without revealing more personal traumatic issues which he knows about and is probably counting on me not revealing that has to deal with the situation..if i revealed that maybe the women he is apparently knockin boots with now..the reason they are so cruel im only assuming this by the way..i fear no one will ever truely understand..im not revealing everything cause its personal..his true friends seem to be sensible but the others are jus ignorant
oh well what am i to do but hope he grows out of his anger to be a loving caring man towards women and leave all this bs behind and focus on the important thing my wonderful daughter
Hi there “not whatever”. I have been examining all the posts that are on this site and have I made a tiny little analysis synthesized by the provided info. It seems like you are harboring malcontent towards Jayme yet you still want him to be apart of Elyse’s life though he has no biological connection to her. You proceed to air out some very personal details about your relationship with him but yet you say you still want him to call and contact you whenever he feels like it. You are in a very codependent relationship. You cannot feel happy for another person’s ability to move forward with his life without you, therefore you feel the need to rehash all the past drama and grasp at any straws left. Your last post says that you wish “he could leave all this bs behind and focus on the important thing my wonderful daughter”. It’s not his daughter. And I can tell you this right now: OBs now are not incompetent. They can tell you exactly when you are due. They have all the medical equipment and technology to do so, believe me. If you had any doubts, you should have gone and got another opinion. Doctors are not that off unless they are stupid. There is a big difference in calling people ignorant. Ignorant people choose not to learn or find out the information to make a sound and proper judgment, which spawns the saying “Ignorance is Bliss,” but people who know the difference between right and wrong and have a decent education but choose to ignore common sense are just stupid. And when you choose to bash people for stating their opinions, stop for a moment and think. Are you being ignorant or just plain stupid? And don’t you dare blare hormones. From what I have read so far, punctuation marks denote endings and beginnings of sentences. Capital letters begin sentences, the word just ends in a T, and ellipses have … 3 dots. Move on with your life. I’m sure you will find someone who will love you and Elyse with ever ounce of their being. This person is not, and will never be, Jayme. Leave him alone. I don’t do high drama. So dead this whole Jayme contact bit now.
HA! That’s means you read the the original post? Priceless!
The child is fine. Mommy’s folks were doing most of the rearing anyways.
I take care of my daughter so everyone knows this and no one makes any assumptions..I work part time and go to school full time now to make a better life for her. My parents do babysit from time to time. I handle my own responsiblilites and take care of my daughter by myself! I enjoy every moment I have with my daughter! Life is short and she is growing up fast. Except for a small medical problem that isnt life-threatening, so far, she is in great health. Her dad is not really involved; he has seen her 3 days total since she was born on Jan 19th, 2009. It hurts b/c I had a great relationship w/ my father and i can only hope she will eventually!
As for the whole drama about who the daddy was..I have now determined that no due date I was given put her real dad as being in the picture and that after talking with her dad we actually discovered she was born 3 weeks early. What happened b/w Jayme and I was a confused, unfortunate, emotional mess. Do I wish things would have turned out differently..Yes! God has his plan and I have to believe in it and accept it! I do believe that Jayme was right about one thing..Women are emotional and men are more logical! That being said when these post came about I did feel attacked and hurt b/c of the personal nature of the incident. Now, although I still have opinions and do not agree with it he has a right to express how he feels and get his anger out. I have moved on to a happy life with my daughter! I do still wish that he wanted to be in her life and the invitation is always open to him, he knows how to contact me! She is what is important and I hope that one day she does not find these posts and think differently of Jayme. She will know about him and how he was there for her when it mattered and she will have the pictures of him and her together. If she chooses to contact him I will give her his info. I think she deserves to know the one man that truely loved her as a daughter..Jayme Kohler! I loved him, I hurt him, I lost him and I may never get him back even as a friend but that is my pain, no one else’s!